Omigod. My world is shattered. Remember way back last March when we had that little anthrax incident and I had to wear a tinfoil hat for training because the goverment was trying to implant thoughts in my head?
As it turns out, MIT researchers have found out that the tinfoil only amplifies the signals, and probably their use was promoted by a government conspiracy.
"Statistical evidence suggests the use of helmets may in fact enhance the government's invasive abilities. We theorize that the government may in fact have started the helmet craze for this reason."
Then again, would you believe research published by somebody named Ali Rahimi?