Thursday, November 01, 2007

The Chick Laws of Triathlon

Ooooh, Boomer wrote some good Man Laws of Triathlon:

We need some Chick Laws here.
  1. There is nothing unfeminine about snot rockets or barfing on course. Unless you hit someone.
  2. It's okay to pee in the wetsuit. Or in the bushes. Or on the bike. Just don't announce it - or ewwww, grunt - while doing it.
  3. Passing guys on the bike is totally feminine.
  4. Pink is fast. Red is faster.
  5. Make-up is purely optional, particularly on race day.
  6. It's important for helmets and nails to color-coordinate for the total triathlon experience.
  7. Guys who stink during a triathlon also stink when they're not doing a triathlon.
  8. Clydesdales who swim over chicks on purpose or grab their legs are the worst abomination in the sport.
  9. Everybody but you really thinks you look hot in a trisuit. Enjoy.
  10. Everybody looks fat in a wetsuit. Don't worry about it, it's NOT your hips.
  11. Only men would think they look good in a Speedo. They should just lose it unless their name ends in McCormack, Sultan, or Stadler.
  12. Tan lines aren't sexy. SPF 45 sunblock that actually stays on - that's sexy.
  13. Anybody who tries to hit on you in a transition zone before a race or "fix your bike for you" is a creep to be avoided - after they fix your bike, that is.
  14. Being fast never justifies being rude. Especially to volunteers.
  15. It's okay to cry for mechanical problems or hills that really hurt or when approaching finish lines as long as you don't stop moving while you cry.
  16. Finishing with your children shows the world what a Tri-Goddess you really are. Just don't mess up anyone else's finishing photo.
  17. Yeah, if we had our own personal anabolic steroid doping system we'd be faster and more muscular and lose weight easier too.
  18. You think running hard hurts? Don't make me laugh. Try childbirth.

Hmmm. Give me some more, ladies!


Ladyrunner said...

LOL!! That's great!!

jeanne said...

brilliant! i do have a question about some other bodily functions though...but this is a family blog...

i don't color coordinate in real life. now i gotta do it in a tri?!?!

I figure if I start at the waaaaay back, there won't be anyone to swim over me. something tells me this is not true.


GeekGirl the Iron said...

9 & 10 - this is good to know.
14. It's okay to pull over and cry, I think, as long as you eventually dry eyes and get on your way!.
17. no kidding. I forgot about this. I was in training for endurance activities (the first kid was 18 hours of natural labor and childbirth) 3 times already!

LBTEPA said...

Ha! I KNEW I needed a red helmet - I don't do blue nails (but my bike is blue, and my race nails and lippy are always coordinated, will that do?)
100% agree with number 14.
How about, if you are forced to swim into/over some sighting-challenged nuff-nuff, say sorry.

Nancy Toby said...

Uh oh, I messed up the numbering a little by adding some, which makes some previous comments not make sense....

Mommymeepa said...

HAHA Love it. Thanks.

21stCenturyMom said...

I keep stopping by hoping for inspiration but I think you got it covered. Nicely done!

Ellie Hamilton said...

Addendum to #3:
Especially when the age on the back of the guy's leg is 33 and the age on the back of yours is 50.

Spokane Al said...

Nancy, you are an original and one funny lady.

Iron Pol said...

I hope guys who stop to fix your bike DURING the race don't fall into the "creep to be avoided" category. Especially when they turn to allow for certain bodily functions mentioned in item one while doing those repairs.

Not that I've ever been in that situation more than once.

Bill said...

That's a great list. And as a guy, I must wholeheartedly agree with #9!

bari said...

Ok, now I'll admit it... I always coordinate my ponytail holders with my tri suit and if I don't have one in the right color, it totally freaks me out. And as for crying, well, everything makes me cry, so it's good to know that it's allowed! ;-)

Vickie said...

GREAT rules!

Brent Buckner said...

Great post and project!

Bigun said...

Why DO people grab your legs when they swim on you? I've never understood that (and have been grabbed by all sorts - Clydesdales and seemingly nice, petite AG women-folk - when you are a slow swimmer, you "meet" everyone out there...).

Vickie said...

A long hard workout or even last place finish is deserving of wine AND chocolate.

Jade Lady said...

Makeup at a race - does any woman really bother? Love the last one - oh, so true!